When I'm exercising, I like to get hot, sweaty and feel like I've worked really hard and given it my all. When I injured my knee on September 4, 2021, I wasn't exercising. I had picked up a box and turned to the right to go set it in another room. As I turned, it seemed like my knee turned along with me but my shoe stayed straight like it was stuck on the carpet. I felt something happen in my left knee. It hurt, but not excruciatingly, just enough that I definitely noticed it. Later that day, it hurt more and was swollen. I figured I must have "tweaked" something, told myself if I didn't exercise and rested it for a few days, it would get better and wouldn't be any big deal. Sixteen months have passed since that day and there hasn't been a day since that I haven't been dealing with the effects of that injury.
After being told I would never run again, after getting a second opinion from a surgeon who disagreed and was willing to fix it, after three surgeries, eight weeks no weight bearing on that leg after the second surgery, 12 straight months of ongoing physical therapy between 2-5 times per week, and daily PT exercises at home...I finally took my first jogging steps last month. It felt scary for the first 20-30 seconds, but then so exhilarating. The two physical therapists who have gotten to know me quite well over the past year were very clear that this would be a "process" of getting back to running, not a sprint.
I accepted that pretty well in my mind until I was told I could start to jog on a treadmill on my own. I was told I could warm up walking for five minutes, then I could jog for one minute, walk for one minute and repeat that 3-4 times, then walk for a few minutes to "cool down." I had used an elliptical machine before they allowed me to jog, so I was surprised jogging wasn't as hard from a cardiovascular standpoint as I thought it would be. After not running for 16 months I had no idea what to expect. That was a pleasant surprise, but what I wasn't prepared for was how much I wouldn't want to stop, how much I would want to break the rules and ignore their guidelines and just keep going. In my mind, I was trying to convince myself that maybe it wouldn't hurt my knee, maybe it would actually help it get better faster even though they have specifically and repeatedly told me doing more than they recommend wouldn't throughout this whole ordeal. And I have experienced the increased swelling and pain when at other times I have pushed the limits of what I was allowed to do. Being back in the fitness center, though, I just sooooo wanted to get hot and sweaty and feel like I had really worked out. But then the more sensible part of my brain kicked in and I remembered having read this.
So sure, I could break the rules and run for a few minutes, but when I got honest with myself, I knew if I did, I likely wouldn't even be able to walk normally the next day. My knee would swell and then it wouldn't bend properly. I would set myself back instead of staying the course and accepting the slow, steady gains in order to one day run again when I have the strength built back up and my knee is fully healed. It was hard not to break the rules today. It would be hard to be in pain tomorrow. I had to choose my hard.
Living a life being scared of everything and everyone was (really, really) hard. Accepting full responsibility for living this hard life in a brave way so that I could fully experience all the joy it has to offer was (really, really, really) hard. Fortunately, I dug deep, didn't give up (even when I wanted to so very much), and found the courage to choose my hard. There isn't a day that goes by, even a really, really, really painful one, where I am not grateful I chose a different hard.
Are you satisfied with the hard you've chosen? If not, you can choose a different hard today.
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