In my memoir's Afterword, I introduce readers to my self-compassion coach, Ginger Rothhaas, through a video. Following is a very brief clip from the beginning where I ask her what she thought of me when she first met me in September 2018.
While I can laugh about it today, back then I didn't even realize I was speaking that way. And even though I had a very hard time verbalizing my thoughts and feelings, I didn't have trouble sharing my love through the investment of time, effort and actions or through written words. In those ways, I did not hesitate to pour my heart out. Even when a relationship ended, the love remained. It wasn't even a question.
Following are two excerpts from Brave Enough To Be Bliss, Section IV, Chapter 9.
Love has been one thing I can reflect on and say, as a human being, I did that well. Not perfectly, but well. Relationships, certainly not, but love, yes. I do believe the people in my life have felt my love even when the relationship has had to end. If I died today, I think love would be the overarching theme of my funeral, or at least that is my hope anyway. To me, there is no greater gift: it blesses the giver and receiver, and it’s available in unlimited quantities with no monetary implications.
There’s a link to a poem below that might give you a new perspective on the word “soft” and also may help you better understand what I explained to Kylee in the email below. She thought someone had treated me poorly and questioned why I remained kind. The difference in our immediate reactions to another person’s behavior was because she viewed that person’s behavior as something I had to receive and internalize. It made her upset because she loves me and knows how she would feel if someone had directed the comments to her. But it didn’t upset me because I saw that person’s behavior simply as what it was, a reflection of that person’s own internal pain. It made me feel compassion for that person, but it didn’t upset me or hurt me in any way because it wasn’t “about” me. That is a huge difference.
“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all.” Yogi Bhajan
From: Ginger Bliss
To: Kylee
Tue, August 18, 2020 at 11:55 PM
You said the other night you don’t know how I do it. This is how, it is my life’s purpose. When I didn’t know why I was kept alive at 18, I decided God must have had a reason. All I could figure out was to help everyone I had contact with feel less alone, to feel seen and valued and to love people as unconditionally as a human being can. My love is my gift to the world, and you are my greatest love of all. So, when people are less than kind or loving to me, it just means there is something in them that needs healing, and I can’t possibly help them by further hurting them in an attempt to protect myself. So, it’s not because I’m weak but rather because I’m strong. I don’t give love to receive love, I give so that others can learn to give.❤️😘
Last week I happened to see this video on TikTok and have transcribed the message below in italics, but if you can watch it, please do.
You know, I came across something today. It said, airports have seen more sincere kisses than any wedding hall and hospital walls have heard more prayers than any sacred place. Now isn't that a bit of a gut punch? But here's the thing, my friend, it's because we tend to feel love the most when it's about to slip away. When we're standing at that airport gate or outside a hospital room, that's when we pour our hearts out. When all the noise fades away and the raw truth of love shows itself. But why wait? Why do we wait for love to be fleeting, to be on the brink of leaving, before we realize how deeply it runs? Life, my dear friend, it's passing quickly. Cherish those you love now. Not just in the moments of goodbye. Hug them tighter. Say what you need to say. Afterall, as I always say, "It's never too late to change, unless you choose it to be." So go on, love boldly, love now. Because tomorrow, well, that's never promised, is it?
So please, listen to the man, and don't waste another second of this precious life you have to live. Be GB Real and pour your heart out. What and who have you got to lose and is that not worth the risk?
I am truly grateful for each one of you who take the time to read and am sending my sincere best wishes for a beautiful Thanksgiving Day filled with hope, joy, light and so much love!
May you have a love-filled Thanksgiving, Ginger. Love the airport & hospital truths.