On October 11, 2021, a family I know and love lost their 21-year-old daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and cousin. Others lost their friend, and this world lost a beautiful soul. On the Kendall's Kindness website that was created to honor her memory and create an opportunity for good to come out of the pain, Kendall is described as kind, thoughtful, funny, smart and talented. She loved to be creative, loved to listen to all kinds of music, and enjoyed spending time with her family and friends. Kendall loved to bake, water and snow ski, be adventurous and wanted nothing more than to make people feel important and loved.
When I think of Kendall, this is the picture I have in my mind from a time when all the girls were little and we went to Chicago to spend time with the whole family. Kendall is pictured on the left with my daughter in the middle and her sister on the right.
When I read the words that Kendall "wanted nothing more than to make people feel important and loved," it really hit home. I will share my whole story in the book I'm writing, but following are a couple excerpts I felt led to share today perhaps to remind someone who is hurting, you are not alone in your pain and there is hope. If I had died by suicide as I had intended when I was 18 years old, I think what would have been said or written about me would have been eerily similar to Kendall's description.
Excerpts from the draft of the book, Brave Enough to be Bliss...
"That sadness and loneliness grew through the years until I was an 18-year-old recent high school graduate who wanted to kill herself. I had gained weight the second half of my senior year, I didn’t feel I had any close friends and in short, I felt ugly, fat, disgusting and truly believed no one would even miss me when I was gone. So, I planned to end the pain."
"I decided that He (Jesus) must have kept me alive so that I could make sure no one I ever came into contact with would ever feel as alone and unloved as I felt. I would see the people behind the outer shell. I would see the pain they hid just like I did. I would reach out to them, even if it was just by saying hello or smiling at them. I would see them; they wouldn’t pass by me without being acknowledged. I would notice the pain in their eyes, I wouldn’t necessarily understand it, but I would see it there and where I could help, I would. I would do the best I could to humanly exhibit the type of acceptance and love that Jesus would offer if He were here walking this earth. He would see their pain, He would care it was there even if He didn’t fix it, He would believe in them, and most of all He would simply love them. I may not be able to do much of any value on this earth, but I figured I could do that. I surmised Jesus kept me alive so maybe I could help keep other hurting people alive. It felt like a purpose, a reason to keep going, not for me but for everyone else, and I couldn’t let Him down since He went to the trouble to save me from myself."
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), "Suicide rates increased approximately 36% between 2000–2021. Suicide was responsible for 48,183 deaths in 2021, which is about one death every 11 minutes. The number of people who think about or attempt suicide is even higher. In 2021, an estimated 12.3 million American adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.5 million planned a suicide attempt, and 1.7 million attempted suicide.
"Suicide affects people of all ages. In 2021, suicide was among the top 9 leading causes of death for people ages 10-64. Suicide was the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-14 and 20-34."
"Why" a person dies by suicide is only fully known by that individual even if a note is left. It's tough to fully explain something so deeply felt in mere words. But human nature propels us to ask the question, sometimes even to torture ourselves with the question, because we want control. We want to believe that there are answers, reasons for absolutely everything in this life because maybe then, just maybe, we wouldn't have to fear. Unfortunately, I have learned the very long and hard way that at least for me, the best I can do is accept that life is hard, pain is inevitable and the more I accept that and spend my time, energy and love living in the present, the more life can also be very, very good.
October 10 was World Mental Health Day, but life can be hard every day of the year so we need to pay attention, really "see" those around us and take the time and make the effort to not only be kind but also be brave asking others how they are "really" doing, listen without allowing fear to rise within and judge or fix, just be with them wherever they are in their pain, let them know you believe them, remind them there is hope for healing and help them find resources to do just that.
Comments