"If one day you have to choose between the world and love, remember this: If you choose the world you’ll be left without love, but if you choose love, with it you will conquer the world." Albert Einstein
For anyone who follows my blog, it won't be surprising that I took the opportunity to write about love on February 14, widely known as the day of love. And one might surmise that I would desire a lavish display on Valentine's Day, but nothing could be further from the truth.
These flowers were delivered on a run of the mill Friday in January and as spectacular as the colors were and as exquisite as the roses were, they paled in comparison to the two simple sentences on the card that arrived with the beautiful arrangement. Certainly, I appreciated and enjoyed the flowers, in fact so long that I was picking up petals that had fallen off for days and the water had become stagnant because the flowers were long gone. A photo of the flowers is what remains as a tangible reminder of the kind gift, but the words on the simple white card from Tobler's Flowers (my favorite Kansas City area florist) are what will remain in my heart and memory forever. Now don't get me wrong, I love fresh flowers anytime but for me, it is the words that are the way to my heart regardless of the type of relationship.
I have a long-time friend who had always said she didn't think she expressed herself well in writing, but what I've noticed as our relationship has become more real and vulnerable in recent years is that her writing now reflects the enhanced level of safety she feels within our friendship. A few months ago, I reconnected through LinkedIn with a friend I hadn't communicated with in decades, and he said in a message, "I am envious of your ability to communicate feelings and articulate them." I responded saying, "Everyone has the innate ability, it's just that fear gets in the way based on past experiences. When it comes to feelings, our hearts know what the "feelings" are, but it's our brains that try to protect us from perceived potential pain, so then those raw feelings get synthesized into "safer" expressions that change the meaning or they're said without authenticity or our body language doesn't match so we're not trusted, all because we're scared. But the heart knows, or whatever word you want to use to refer to that place inside that "feels" whatever you feel. A great exercise is just to write about whatever you feel, even if you decide not to share it with anyone. Just to let it flow out of you directly from your heart through your fingers and onto the screen without allowing your brain's fear or the editing temptation to stop you." I have no idea if he took my suggestion or not, but perhaps it planted a seed and one day he will.
“Your words have the power to hurt, to heal, open minds, open hearts and change the world. Never forget the responsibility you have over the words you speak.” Steven Aitchison
The following is an excerpt about love and words from my memoir, Brave Enough To Be Bliss.
John also referred to the word love as a “really big” word. I pointed out the fact it’s only four letters, so not big at all. And speaking of love, do these phrases carry the same meaning or evoke the same feeling inside when you hear them said to you?
Love ya
Love you
I love you
Perhaps some people think these phrases all communicate the same thing. It doesn’t seem that way to me because I pay attention to detail, and what I observe is that most people use the phrases for different people depending on the type of relationship. And some people never use the word “I” in the phrase at all.
For example, “love ya” is something people say but it’s not really that meaningful. Yes, there’s caring there perhaps with the use of the word “love,” but it’s very casual, not even saying the word “you.” When someone says “Love you,” they’re putting themselves out there more with the use of two complete words, but it’s still not as vulnerable as fully stating “I love you.”
You may recall the commercial in the link below.
In this video, the son actually says, “I love ya, man,” to his father but in two other commercials I watched, he says “you” not “ya,” so it doesn’t actually uphold my theory. I would assume that was intentional, as little in advertising isn’t intentional, so did their focus groups find it more comfortable to use the word “you” to strangers than one’s father? Or was using all three words in a meaningful relationship too serious for the joke that was to come about the Bud Light? Regardless, it might just be interesting to think about the specific phrases you choose to use, next time you say or write loving words to others.
In years past, I would try to guess what would come across the best to the other person, or if it was in writing, I would match the phrase the other person typically used. So, if someone typically signed something, “Love,” then I would use “Love,” too. In recent years, I’ve begun to simply use “I love you” for anyone I love because to me, saying less is not being fully myself. Sure, it might make the other person a little uncomfortable if they aren’t used to people stating fully, “I love you.” I don’t mind causing discomfort for this reason because all humans have a need to be loved, and oftentimes they haven’t gotten it or heard it said while growing up. But if I die today, I want all those I love to have zero doubt that I love them. Life is unpredictable. I can’t control how someone else will receive the words, but I will not withhold my love for anyone anymore because of fear. I don’t expect anyone to say anything or feel anything toward me, I simply want to give my love because that’s what is in my heart. And if over time, it can also help others feel less uncomfortable with the use of the really big four-letter word, then I would be thrilled. But if not, that’s OK, too. I just will not hide my feelings for other people because I don’t think there’s anything more important in life than to share our love. I don’t want to die wishing I had given more love; I want to die feeling that I gave absolutely all I had to give.
I share much more in the book about love, but here's how I summarize the topic.
And to wrap up this section about love, I recently watched for the first time the movie New Year’s Eve from 2011. I was struck by how much was covered in one movie…birth, death, regret, forgiveness, fear, bravery, loneliness, connectedness, selfishness, selflessness, rudeness, kindness. I’m a sucker for a happy ending but also thought there was a lot of wisdom shared as this movie ends.
Now read what you just watched and heard. “Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in this world we can’t control. Earthquakes, floods, reality shows. But it’s important to remember the things that we can. Like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts. Because the one thing that turns the world from a lonely place to a beautiful place is love. Love in any of its forms. Love gives us hope. Hope for the new year. That’s New Year’s Eve to me. Hope and a great party.” Choose love, in any of its forms, and you will find hope to start your new year, and maybe a new life, today.
“Life is in your hands. You can select joy if you want or you can find despair everywhere you look. It is all yours.” Leo Buscaglia
If you're interested in reading Brave Enough To Be Bliss in its entirety, the digital book is free, and hardback copies can be purchased at cost through the link below. There is no financial gain for me in sharing this book, but you are worth the investment of each and every word.
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